Stress and Sleep
Stress, a common cause for sleep problems
Stress and sleep do not go well together. Stress may be the most common cause for insomnia and sleep problems. Stress is usually related to anxiety and worries that we carry within us. These can be worries about not living up to expectations, of not getting things done in time, of not doing well enough, or not getting anywhere.
There are many different solutions to a stress problem, and ways to find stress relief. First it is important to understand where the stress comes from. Being stress free is truly a goal worth aiming for as stress can contribute both to sleep disorders and illness in general.
Stress and anxiety - a biproduct of the modern society
Our society is, in the way it is constructed, result and achievement oriented. This makes for people who always worry about doing more and more, as well as having more and more. Our western society is also extremely egocentric. We are taught from an early age to compete for everything, to get ahead, to be popular, to achieve. Community values are for the most part left behind as we focus on building successful individuals whom, we believe, will be beneficial to our society.
The ego by its very nature is separate from everything else. It may have friends but those friends can turn into enemies at any time. It may be wealthy, but that wealth may be lost at any moment. Life becomes an endless obsession about controlling things left and right, and fearing anything that might threaten us and our egos.
We need to control how we are perceived by others, controlling what people say about us, and so on. We may have a great night out with friends but if we examine what actually went on in our minds we will see that we spent a great deal of time worrying about whether we said the ‘right things’, were funny enough, whether enough people talked to us, etc. We may have been upset because someone said something that hurt our egos, someone did not acknowledge us when we walked into the room, a bus driver was rude to us on the way home, etc.
We work hard to build up a security system around ourselves, including education, marriage, a house, savings, retirement money, etc, to stay in control of life itself. We fear that things will be taken away from us, loved ones, money, health etc. We spend a great deal of time worrying about one thing after the other.
Workstress
We often let work stress us out. If we work for someone else we want to perform well. If we work for ourselves we are under pressure to make ends meet. In our society without a job we are next to nothing. Our jobs bring purpose to our lives. A job becomes more than just mere survival, which is what it used to be in the cave man days. We define ourselves by what we do. The first question we ask someone we meet for the first time is often “what do you do?”.
It is easy to see how a job can turn very stressful if things are not going well, or if we are put under pressure to perform. So much of our well-being depends on how we do on the job.
Add to this the fact that most people, believe it or not, are not happy with their jobs. Studies repeatedly shows that most people want to switch jobs or do something different. At the same time this is very hard to do for many. Some jump from job to job, finding some pleasure at a new place initially. After awhile when routine settles in, dissatisfaction yet again comes knocking on the door.
When we are forced to do something we don’t enjoy the likelyhood that stressful situations will get to us is increased. If we are at the same time under pressure, we are virtually guaranteed to experience significant stress.
Finding alternatives to a stressful work situation
If this kind of stress is the cause of our problems, we may benefit from investigating how we can either lower the pressure at work or find new ways to enjoy our job. Maybe going down from full time to part, or three-quarter time, is a good solution, if we can accept a smaller paycheck. It may be worth it however if it saves us from damaging and debilitating stress.
Another solution may be to actively try to find new ways to bring more meaning into our work. Maybe we can ask our boss for new interesting assignments. It can also be helpful to adopt an attitude of service. That is, finding ways to view our work as a service to other people. Some jobs lend themselves easier to this mentality than others. But most jobs can be seen as an act of service, to other people or to society. If you are a bus driver for instance, focus on how you are helping all these people get to work on time or wherever they are going.
I remember reading about this one bus driver in a city in Sweden, who always greeted people with a big smile and welcome when they stepped on to the bus. He became quite famous throughout the city. People commented on how this bus driver was able to cheer them up in the middle of a dull work week. The bus driver himself stated how he was so happy to provide this service for the people. What a contrast to the stereotypical bus driver who is stressed out by busy traffic, difficult customers, and just waiting for his shift to end. What is incredible though, is how in the end a shift in attitude can make such an amazing difference to how we experience a work situation.
If neither going down to part time or finding more fulfillment in our jobs is an option for us, we may seriously have to consider finding a new job that will either be low stress or bring us greater fulfillment and joy.
Stress and control
The ego can be very cunning in the way it works to stay in control. For instance we may think that we work so hard to do everything for our kids so that they can have a good life. We spend a great deal of time worrying about how they perform in school, how they do in sports, or how many friends they have. We are devastated when we find out that our daughter is dropping out of school or our son did not make the cut for the hockey team. We may think that we are only focused on what is best for our kids. However, what often happens is that we ourselves have an idea of what a successful life is supposed to look like and we use this idea as a model for our kids. We do everything in our power to keep our kids on track with this model, and when this does not work we spend a great deal of time worrying about the possible consequences.
Truth is, this idea we have is built up by our own egos, influenced by the ideas we were presented with in our formative years, and reflects our own reality. We are driven by motives that work to boost our own egos. We may hate the idea of having to explain to our own parents or our friends, with their ‘successful’ kids, that our own children are ‘failures’. We love to show off our kids when they are successful, as they somehow reflect back well upon ourselves. Parents, however, in trying to control the course of life of their kids usually do more harm than good.
Learning to let go of control using affirmations
Learning to let go of control is one of the most important challenges for most people. As long as we hold on to the need to control things around us we surround ourselves with ample material to worry about. Things we worry and concern ourselves with during the day easily spills over into night time, keeping our mind busy and alert when it should in fact be peaceful and sleepy.
The big problem is that until we have developed new ways of viewing the world and finding value in existence, it will be very hard for us to just let go of our need to control the outside world. We may theoretically understand why our ego’s needs lead us to try to control the world around us, which in its turn leads us to stress out about things. But to actually let go of the need to control, we have to have something in place that can replace the incessant need for validation and security.
For that reason it is a good idea to start to cultivate thoughts such as, ‘things will work out alright’, or ‘no matter what happens, life will move on’, ‘I can only do my best’ or even ‘time heals all wounds’.
A good way to do this is to set aside some time in the morning or evening, maybe five minutes at first and gradually increase, when you can be by yourself and say out loud, or silently, little affirmations like these. They may not seem like much, and at first when we do this we may find that a little voice in the back of our heads is going “no that’s not true” or “you know that you are not doing well enough”.
Eventually, however, if we persist we will find that little affirmations like these reprogram the brain and will over time change how we perceive ourselves and our lives.
Practice mindfully
What is required however is that we do this practice mindfully, otherwise we will not invest any energy into it and will not see any result. If you just repeat an affirmation like this while you think about what you are going to do during the day, it will not have any effect on you and after a while you will tire of doing this practice as you are not seeing any results and it does not feel meaningful.
Instead, focus on what you are saying to yourself, try to believe it, if only for the moment you are doing the practice. Let your mind explore your affirmation. Analyze it. Observe it. Explore, for instance, whether it is true or not that ‘no matter what happens, life will move on’. Explore in your mind what will happen if the worst of all possible consequences you fear will come to happen, whether life actually would move on or not, and what that would look like.
Even if you don’t notice immediate benefits, changes will happen and eventually you will notice that you are able to sidestep fears that used to trigger you. At that point you will be less susceptible to stress and stressful situations, and you will notice that even with all the pressure to accomplish this or that, or the great responsibility that falls on your shoulders, it will be a little bit easier to relax and laugh at yourself, and at life in general.
It is when we are able to laugh in the midst of difficulties that we are starting to liberate ourselves.
What is true however is that you will have to do this practice, or some similar practice, if you want to see some change and relieve yourself of stress in your life. There is no miracle medication that will cure this problem and the world is not all of a sudden going to change to make life less stressful for you.
When you are able to make change in how you relate to the world, however, you will notice that your world will actually reflect the gradually increasing inner peace that you are feeling.